her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
