fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
40s are totally the cure
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
