I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize