she woke up with a sticky ear
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
