90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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