I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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