He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
