Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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