you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
