Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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