i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
