apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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