so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
