i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
