I smell stomach acid.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I am naked and annoyed.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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