I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You are the jesus of drinking
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
