All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Even my vagina gasped.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
