Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
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