The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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