No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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