I feel great
I just peed on a car
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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