moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
PANTIES FOUND
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
