I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
