Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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