Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
