I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
