3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
