morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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