What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
