Swine flu. Run for my life!
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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