his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
