I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just blew my weed a kiss
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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