so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
