no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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