i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
