she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
