So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
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If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
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Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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