I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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