life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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