We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize