I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
