he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
