she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
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Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
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Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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