How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
