Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Randomize
