That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
