A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
