Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
