I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
