I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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