last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
