last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
