i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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