i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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