Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
