No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize