That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Randomize
