WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Randomize
