kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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