Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize