Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
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He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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