Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
