I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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