I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
