Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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