dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
