what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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