Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize