you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
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The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
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Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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