He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
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he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
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When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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