It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
