i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
