your parents love me but you hate me
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
